May 5, 2024
In contrast, it was like this.
Gwanghwamun, the outside was filled with protests, people, and the sound of rain. Inside the box, it was quiet. My head felt like it was ringing, like a speaker full of water was turned on. I could only faintly hear voices when people hugged me. When people weren’t hugging me, I felt like I was in a completely different space.
When I think of Children's Day, the first place that comes to mind is Cheonggyecheon(Jongno-gu). When I was young, I came to Seoul every week because of my parents' work, and I remember my aunt taking me there every day. Although I don’t have direct memories of that time, it has left a strong symbolic impression in my mind. I recall being told that "From this year, you are not a child, so there would be no more Children’s Day celebrations." I don’t remember exactly how old I was, but every year on Children’s Day, my parents would always call me. Perhaps this project feels like revisiting my early childhood, a time when I was loved and welcomed everywhere. When I told my mom about this project, she was quite sad.
There was a long wait before anyone participated, about 30minutes. I think the first person to hug me was a woman. It was a bit cold, so I really felt how warm a person’s body heat could be. After that, participation went more smoothly. Many people joined in, regardless of their age, gender, or nationality. Since my vision was blocked, I relied a lot on my hearing and touch. Before watching the video, I think there were many people who looked quite different from what I had expected. The sounds of the protest crowd, the heavy rain, people I didn’t know, the police, car horns, and friends filming me made the situation very uncomfortable. I felt uneasy, my body was uncomfortable, and my heart was racing. It wasn’t a pleasant experience and I wouldn't go through it again. However, there were people who hugged me even after throwing away their umbrellas, and others who asked me if I needed help.
At night, I went to a place where there were likely to be many adults. I thought bars and neon signs would be fitting. In fact, the rain wasn’t part of my plan. Until the day before, I had hoped it wouldn’t rain the next day. But when I went out at night, the rain was much heavier, like a storm. The wind was so strong that my friend’s umbrella broke and flew away. My box was also slowly falling apart. Since the materials weren’t waterproof and the finish wasn’t very good, it was apart. I kept questioning whether it was the right idea to do this project there.
In this place, no one hugged me. People only occasionally asked if I was cold or if I might catch a cold. Even those remarks were likely from people who were drunk. When I later checked the video, only a few people seemed curious and took pictures. Considering the weather and other conditions, I was sure that if I were in their shoes, I probably wouldn’t have participated either. My clothes were soaked, I had no umbrella, and the wind was strong. It felt like my ideal or fantasy about love was being shattered by reality. But once I accepted the situation, I didn’t feel as anxious as I did in Gwanghwamun. Instead, I just heard upbeat music from the speakers, sounding like it was wet from the rain.
